What To Say
by butimbroken
Summary: Buffy/Angel. AU. A recently divorced couple see each other again for the first time. Story Seven of the series. Back to Angel. COMPLETE.


**Don't own a thing.**

Angel didn't know what to say. No idea whatsoever.

After learning that Buffy was no longer back at the party, he told his father, defeated. Daniel didn't give up so easily though, tracking down where she'd run off to and came back bearing the news.

Now he was in an elevator of one of the city's many hotels, trying to figure out what in the world he could possibly say to his ex wife in the next few minutes.

He still had nothing as he stepped in front of the correct door. But he knocked anyway.

He felt the air suck out of him as it started to open.

Willow stood on the other side, her eyes widening as she took him in. "Angel? What are you doing here?"

He sighed. "Is Buffy in there?"

"What do you care? What do you want?" she asked, her tone now more angry than surprised.

He sighed again, his eyes pleading. "I just need to talk to her. Please?"

Willow stared at him for a long while before rolling her eyes. "She's tired and already upset. Don't make it any worse," she said, stepping out of the way into the hall.

Angel watched as she went a room over and unlocked it, going inside. He looked back in front of him, pushing the wooden door open a bit more so he could enter.

"Who was that?" Buffy's voice called out. Angel saw her come out of the bathroom, she had started to change from the evening. "Will?" Buffy said, turning around. "Who... oh."

"Hi," he said softly.

Buffy swallowed. "Hi. Where's Will?"

He tipped his head back. "She went next door."

"Oh," Buffy said, then looked around before fiddling with taking her hair down. "What are you doing here?"

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you," she replied, surprised. She grabbed a brush and started smoothing out her blonde locks nervously. "I feel like a whale."

He smiled a little at that. It was quite obvious she was pregnant. It was almost silly, looking like she had a basketball under her clothes with her tiny frame and the large area where his children were. "When are you due?" he asked, not having any idea about such.

Buffy told him, then smiled. "They're both doing really well. Very active, healthy."

He nodded his head a little. "That's good. And you?"

"I'm okay. Tired a lot, but that's to be expected."

Angel's hands itched to touch her, to feel her under him, to feel the presence of his children under his large hand.

She seemed to notice. She looked nervous again for a moment then, "Do... do you want to feel? They're pretty active." She rolled her eyes, "Constantly!"

"I..."

She gave a small smile. "It's okay."

He took the steps over to her slowly. He bent down in front of her, coming to rest on his knees. He was hesitant about it, but finally let both hands reach her.

Angel could smell her perfume surround him. He could smell her lip gloss that she'd always loved so much, almost taste it. He could also feel the moving under his palms, the hitting and kicking of limbs inside his ex wife from their son and daughter.

He couldn't help the smile that graced his face, or the rip he felt in his already broken heart.

Angel started to cry, his head coming toward her, resting against her along with his hands.

Buffy swallowed, her own hands coming up to him, rubbing his back and through his hair.

"I miss you," he whispered.

"I miss you too, Angel," she whispered back.

"I don't know what I was thinking," he told her. "I was just stupid. I've been stupid."

"It's okay."

His head shook. "No, Buffy, it's not. You deserve better than this. They do. I do. We do."

"I knew what I was getting into, Angel."

Again, he shook his head. "Maybe. Maybe that was how it had been, how it was seen as. But then everything changed. You changed everything for me, you made my life exactly what I wanted. I just..." he trailed off, crying harder now. "I don't know how to make this right, Buffy. I don't know how to fix this."

"Angel..."

He looked up, seeing tears in her eyes as well. "I love you. I'm always going to love you. I can't change that, not even if I wanted to. And them, I love our children more than anything in this world. And I've done a shit job of being their father so far, too. But... But I want to change all of that, Buffy."

"How?"

"I don't know. But I'm willing to do anything to get things back. No, get things better between us, for us, than they had been. I want to be with you. Forever, Buffy."

"I think you've said that before," she told him sadly.

He shook his head. "I know, and I meant it before, too. But I know with all of my heart that it is what I want, what I need. And I know that I will do anything to keep that, do anything not to lose you again. I don't want to spend another night without you, Buffy. I want to be there for you, for them. Be the person that I am supposed to be. And I can only be that with you."

Tears slipped down her face. "I can't do it again, Angel," she whispered. "I don't know how I have survived all of this, but I.. I c...can't.."

His hands left his twins, going up to her face. He cupped her gently before pushing up a bit to kiss her. "I won't hurt you again, Buffy. I swear. I won't hurt you or them. I will not leave you, leave my family again."


End file.
